Tag: humor
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Nine California Water Rites
By Jay Lund . . . “Rite” noun:1. a religious or other solemn ceremony or act.2. a social custom, practice, or conventional act. California has complex and hallowed water rites. Here are some: Perhaps Western water rhetoric might become more concise by referring to these now-numbered rites. About the Author Jay Lund is an Emeritus Distinguished Professor…
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It’s Elementary My Dear Walleye
By George Whitman, who is dressed as Dr. John Watson this Halloween While this Sherlockian mystery is fictional, it is inspired by a real event in which a Walleye was illegally introduced into Lake Cascade, Idaho. The events described below parallel the actual research conducted to uncover its origins. Looking back over the notes of…
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AI explanations of California water management
By ChatGPT prompted by Jay Lund I was playing with ChatGPT and had some fun and insightful replies. (I’d interpret these insights, but I am no Professor of Literature, and it would probably get me into trouble. Please add your interpretations below in the replies.) 1) Prompt: Write a buzzword sentence on California water management. ChatGPT replied:…
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The Seven Circles of Jargon Hell
By Jay Lund The circles of jargon hell move from “lazy and less effective communication of ideas” to a general audience, to a narrower already-expert audience, to a substitute for substantive communication, to intentionally harmful and pretentious obfuscation, all of which disrupt the reader’s comprehension and eventually destroy all interest in communication. Jay Lund is…
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Trade-offs in California Water Discussions
By Jay Lund In policy and management, we should always be interested in performance, both overall effectiveness and efficiency of solutions, as well as trade-offs across objectives. These are often depicted on plots of Pareto-optimality, showing the relative performance of alternatives, the performance of efficient (Pareto-optimal) solutions, and trade-offs across these most efficient alternatives, often compared with…
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Glasses at 50% in California
by Jay Lund How do California’s engineers see a partially-full water glass? Mostly the same as they did in the original 2012 version of this post, but we’ve added a few more perspectives over the years. Depending on your outlook, the proverbial glass of water is either half full or half empty. Not so, for…
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How to give a profoundly boring technical talk
by Jay Lund 1. The title should be packed with obscure acronyms that give no clue of the subject. An exciting talk might disturb the audience’s ability to relax, look at their phones, or quietly work in the back of the room. 2. Introduce each co-author with long-winded and complete backgrounds. Their lives and accomplishments…
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Got Blood? Unmasking a vampire fish
By Emily L. Mensch “They’re strong, they’re fast, and they’re out for blood…..” From the depths of a murky lake, a slimy eel-like creature emerges, slithering and writhing. With a gaping, circular mouth lined with rows of needle-sharp teeth spiraling inward, it locks in on its target prey: you! Soon this nightmarish creature is slinking…
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How well do you know California water?
California has an extensive and complex water system. Can many people name all the waterways on this common California water map (with the names removed)? Give it a try. No cheating. (Unlike some map quizzes and the 1957 California Water Plan, this map has no imaginary features, except perhaps when some of the river channels run dry.)…
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How the Grinch Saved the Creek: A Collection of California Water Fables
By Scrooge Jones Did you know the Grinch played a crucial role in the return of salmon to Putah Creek? It was actually a pretty big deal. And if it wasn’t for Charlie Brown and the gang, who knows what the state of economic-engineering optimization models for California water management would be today? ‘Tis the…
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Dispatches From the Deep Pacific
By: Sophie R. Sanchez, Christine A. Parisek, Andrew L. Rypel Monsters are lurking… Off the coast of California, down in the chilly depths of the Pacific Ocean, there lie the most unsettling denizens that appear summoned from the nightmares of Mira Grant. Here in the inky blackness, where nature spawned these most otherworldly configurations, inhabitants…
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We Wish You A Silly Fishmas
by Kim Luke Night Before Fishmas “Twas the night before Fishmas, when all through the spaceNot a creature was stirring, not even a Dace;The fyke nets were hung by the boat dock with care,In hopes that St. Fish-olas soon would be there; The salmon eggs were nestled all snug in their redds;While visions of zooplankton…
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How engineers see the water glass in California
How do engineers see the water glass in California? Mostly the same as they did four years ago when this blog was first posted, though with today’s drought the glass is perhaps down to a quarter full — or three-quarters empty. By Jay R. Lund Depending on your outlook, the proverbial glass of water is either…
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How engineers see the water glass in California
How do engineers see the water glass in California? The same as they did two years ago when this blog was first posted, though with today’s drought the glass is perhaps down to a quarter full — or three-quarters empty. By Jay R. Lund Depending on your outlook, the proverbial glass of water is either…
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Trick or treat? Aliens at the door
By Chris Bowman Many of the alien species invading California’s lakes and streams would make for wickedly good Halloween costumes. Take the Shokihaze goby, Tridentiger barbatus (above and right), a native of Asian now common in Suisun Bay and the lower Sacramento River. Its spiky stubble of whisker-like barbels about the mouth and cheeks defines “ugly.” And…
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‘Tahoe to tap’ could ease California’s water woes
By Nestle J. Frobish A new study shows how Lake Tahoe might serve as a mammoth reservoir that could significantly mitigate California’s chronic water shortages without tarnishing the lake’s world-renowned beauty. The development, reported today (April 1) in the scientific journal Limnology Tomorrow, drew surprise and delight from California water interests who have long regarded…
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Halloween horrors and machetes on the Butte
By Chris Bowman Photos by Bill Husa, Chico Enterprise-Record They spook the faint-of-heart every Halloween. Ghoulish, hollow-eyed creatures stumble about like they’re half-dead. Their skin is mottled from open sores. Rotting lips peel back to reveal horrific grins. But enough about California’s spring-run Chinook salmon. Come autumn, these fish become the real-life living dead. Human…
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How engineers see the water glass in California
By Jay R. Lund Depending on your outlook, the proverbial glass of water is either half full or half empty. Not so for engineers in California. Civil engineer: The glass is too big. Flood control engineer: The glass should be 50 percent bigger. Army Corps levee engineer: The glass should be 50 percent thicker. Mexicali…
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Blogs, blogs everywhere…
This week’s blog is a compilation of recent stories you might have missed. BDCP parties agree to a peripheral bucket line around Delta – The 44 mile line would require 33,000 employees per shift, spaced 7 feet apart, and would have a capacity of 5 gallons per second. A DWR spokesman said, “This approach will…